So, we made it through another orbit. Some of this journey was very difficult. Some of it was strange. Some of it was amazing. 2015 was a very unusual year for me. A lot has change, a lot has remained the same, and some incredible progress was made.
Usually at new years we spend the evening reflecting on the past year and how messed up it was. We come at this crossroads from a place of lack, a place of struggle. We set the tone for the next orbit by fueling the negative, and guess what, we feel the next year wasn’t very good either. We toast saying “may this year suck less than last year”. Not very ambitious. The problem with all of that is that the focus is on what wasn’t or what didn’t work. It puts you in the mindset to manifest more of the same.
You see, from my perspective and experience, you are what you think and do. If you are in a constant state of “this is what is wrong”, you set yourself up to have more of the same. Either by subconscious sabotage or just not recognizing and accepting the good, you end up having more of the same.
This year, other than my journaling here, we pretty much ignored the New Year’s Eve festivities. I have said it in previous posts, we do all this new beginnings stuff at a different time, so this is a redundant holiday, so we went to dinner, talked about some things we are in the process of manifesting, went home and watched a movie. But there is more to it. I did take time out to look back. Everyone else was doing it and I had a pretty remarkable morning so it made sense to do so.
2015, was super challenging in a lot of ways. We have all had various health challenges that have derailed plans and sidelined us from things we really wanted to accomplish. We have had two very ill dogs that we have spent considerable attention and money on, one of which we said goodbye to. We have had issues with our home. We also took our favorite hobby, the Renaissance Festival, in a new and somewhat uncomfortable direction. I have stepped away from the spiritual circle we have been a part of for some time and am not sure exactly what that means. All in all there have been some real tough times. But there has also been good. The festival activities that were uncomfortable were also very positive in a couple of ways. I felt very appreciated by the main group I worked for and Kay actually got paid for what she did, which is rare. The biggest thing changed was how I looked at things and what I perceive is a result of that.
Instead of dragging myself through 2015 in a state of lack, I spent the year in a state of gratitude. I really concentrated on being grateful for everything in my life everyday. It wasn’t easy, especially on some of those very bad days, but I did my very best. Several things were different, at least partially from this attitude shift. For one, my health, while there were some challenges, was pretty good. I wasn’t physically prepared for festival, and that sucked, but overall my health was very good. I was far less stressed out and that made a huge difference. Stress wears down your immune system and can make you sick. My mental illnesses were also easier to manage. Even on days when he illnesses were trying to challenge me, for most days, I was able to keep looking through the lens of gratitude, maintain my moods, or at the very least, ease the fall. The swings were smaller and easy to deal with. It was only at the end of the year when I said yes to far too much that my anxiety and moods went off the charts, but I learned from this too.
Probably the most amazing thing about this year was the finances. I still haven’t figured out what happened but despite all the medical challenges, last minute unplanned costuming, pet problems, car issues and everything else that seemed to be destroying us financially, we made it to midnight in the black. This is a first in a tremendously long time. I can’t remember when we have done so well managing our money. I am not saying there was some weird Christmas miracle or something like that . When we needed money for something, somehow we had it. Kay was asked to put in some extra time, I got paid for filling in for a stage manager at festival one day, we got paid for phantom’s feast, things just fell into place. How is the money related to the attitude? I don’t know but the spiritual center I attend talks about that type of relationship all the time, and while I have been skeptical of that in the past, it lined up this go ’round. I focused on the positive and there was more positive. Was some of that coincidence or simply recognizing the good that was there already, sure. But I truly think and believe that some of it was that I was looking for good and got more good. Our minister says that the the universe only knows how to say yes, it’s that we ask the wrong questions. Sometimes those questions come in the form of our focus. The focus is on debt, lack, and suffering, here you go. The focus is on gratitude, happiness, and abundance, here you go.
Do I still have a couple terrible mental illnesses that affect mood and attitude? Yes. Am I able to just smile and make it go away? no. Can I help myself by interrupting those destructive thought patterns and make my life much more enjoyable? Certainly. Am I going to have bad days? Yes, I will, but I don’t have to live there and even on those bad days when I was having huge on the floor, in a ball anxiety attacks, they passed and I was able to pull it together, get through and move on. Attitude is everything. This year and on, my attitude is going to be one of gratitude. I have what I need and a lot of want I want. I am healthy (relative to my situation) and happy. Life is beautiful.
In 2016 I hold hope that you may find, health, happiness, and an attitude of gratitude